The Official Website of FaithWord

SERMON 1

LOVE IS A CHOICE BY FEMI OLOYEDE

Have you ever stopped to really think about that statement? Let's read it again. Love is a choice, not a feeling. Kind of goes against what most people think, doesn't it? When it all comes down to it you make a choice to love.

 Everyone is not lovable all of the time. You won't even like someone all of the time. It seems in today's society people who are engaged to be married go into it with the attitude that if it doesn't work out no harm no foul, we can just get a divorce. A divorce always cost less than the wedding. I find that thought process very sad, but unfortunately true. Too bad the engaged don't spend as much time, money and effort on the marriage as they do the wedding.

 When you first meet someone and fall in love there are butterflies in your stomach and you live in la la land for awhile. Then you get married and real life sneaks up on you, and you find yourself being caught off guard. The honeymoon will end, no doubt, but your love and commitment to each doesn't have too. When the going gets tough, the tough doesn't need to get going. I firmly believe that when you enter marriage you should be in it for the long haul. Just as you say in your vows, for better or for worse. As Dr. Phil once said, "It may not have been right to marry, but now that you are married, make it right".

 When I think about what makes a marriage last 40, 50 and even 60 years it all comes down to a choice that was made. My Grandparents were married 59 years before my Granddaddy died. Now I don't know this for a fact because we have never discussed it, but I am inclined to think it wasn't always roses. I am sure there were tough times. Times that now day someone would leave. Their strong marriage just proves to me the testament of their love and their commitment to each other and the choice they made to love one another.

 I actually think that comfortable feeling that you grow into with each other is a good thing. I also think you should never take each other for granted. We are all human and we all will make mistakes. We don't have to let those mistakes define who we are. We are not those mistakes. If we are blessed enough to have a forgiving spouse who is willing to give out a second chance then we need to hold on to them for dear life. You could say they are God's second chance for us.

 I personally believe that once you have made that commitment and choice to love everything else will fall into place. I also believe our attitude towards things make a big difference. Just as we make a choice to love we also choose the attitude that we will embrace.

LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT

How fast can you really size up a partner?

You walk into a party and head for the bar. Suddenly someone is beside you, offering to get you a drink. You begin to talk. Almost immediately you're struck by the eerie feeling that you may have just found Mr. Right. But that's crazy, isn't it? Or is it? Can a person really know something this life-changing so fast?

 Yes. We are built to instantly size up a potential partner, an intuitive skill that likely developed millions of years ago as our forebears struggled to rapidly sort friends from enemies. And while today we may not need to protect ourselves with a strong, virile mate, we regularly make up our minds about whether an individual could be an appropriate match within the first three minutes of talking to him (or her).

 Indeed, it takes less than one second to decide whether you find someone physically attractive. Too short, too tall, too old, too young, too scruffy, or too scrubbed—he's out. If, however, he fits your general concept of Adonis, your mind races toward the next checkpoint: voice. Once again, you respond in seconds. Women typically regard rapid talkers as more educated and men with full, deep voices as better-looking than they are. Next: his words. We like people who use the same kinds of words we use. We are also drawn to those who have a similar degree of intelligence, share our religious and social values, and come from the same economic background—and we quickly determine these attributes from a man's words (not to mention how he dresses and wears his hair, whether he's carrying a briefcase or a soccer ball, and if he's sporting a gold watch or a tattoo).

 But can this handsome, deep-voiced, well-dressed stranger give you what you need? Even on the bigger questions, we often form an opinion within the first three minutes if the conversation turns to, say, politics or kids. So when you do feel an immediate click, go ahead and trust your instincts.

 Still, love at first sight doesn't happen to everyone. In one survey by Ayala Malach-Pines, PhD, of Ben-Grunion University in Israel, only 11 percent of the 493 respondents said their long-term relationships started that way. As for the rest of us? Psychologists say that the more you interact with a person you like (even slightly), the more you come to regard him as good-looking, smart, and similar to you—unless you discover something that breaks the spell. So it's wise to hang in for a second meeting. It can take years sometimes for two people to fully appreciate each other. But whether it's love at first sight or love in hindsight, those first three minutes are essential for romance.

LOVE IS A COMMITMENT

Many women think that love is this euphoric feeling that captures you and sweeps you off your feet to the point you can't think straight. In fact, movies are laced with that theory from children fairy tale stories to adult romantic movies (also fairy tales). This has built an image in many women's mind that love is an intoxicating feeling that takes full control and won't let you go. The truth is love...true love, real love...is not a feeling. It is a commitment.

This is not to say with love, there will never be great feelings associated with it, but those feelings may not always be there. Sometimes, you will feel nothing at all. When that happens you have to have something more to keep your love going and that takes commitment.

Think about how many people quickly fall in love. Then, weeks, months, or years later they fall out of it. Many times, this fall in and out of love thing is based on feelings not a commitment. Think about it. If you thought of love more as a commitment than a feeling would you just easily leave a relationship? Won't you try to stay and work it out? The answer is usually, "Yes". This is not to say, that you should stay in an abusive, unhealthy relationship. This idea applies to a healthy relationship that may have lost that spark and the purpose for its existence.

Remember, feelings come and feelings go. If you are in a healthy relationship and you feel that the spark is gone, but you know this person is a good person for you and treats you well, don't just let it fall. Push through the not so touchy feely emotionally intoxicating parts with commitment. This will ultimately lead you to feelings once again.

Is love at first sight real? Geneticists offer tantalizing clues (Adopted)

Research published in the journal Genetics shows that the reproductive outcome of a mated pair depends on pre-existing gene expression in the female and on the male with whom she mates

Leave it to geneticists to answer a question that has perplexed humanity since the dawn of time: does love at first sight truly exist? According to a study published in the April 2009 issue of the journal GENETICS (http://www.genetics.org), a team of scientists from the United States and Australia discovered that at the genetic level, some males and females are more compatible than others, and that this compatibility plays an important role in mate selection, mating outcomes, and future reproductive behaviors. In experiments involving fruit flies, the researchers found that before mating, females experience what amounts to "genetic priming," making them more likely to mate with certain males over others.

"Our research helps to shed light on the complex biochemistry involved in mate selection and reproduction," said Mariana Wolfner, Professor of Developmental Biology at Cornell University and the senior scientist involved in the study. "These findings may lead to ways to curb unwanted insect populations by activating or deactivating genes that play a role in female mating decisions," she added.

To reach their conclusions, scientists mated two different strains of fruit fly females to males either from their own strain or to males from the other strain. They noted the males with which females of each strain tended to mate and then examined whether the females showed differences in behavior soon after mating and in reproduction-related activities, such as how many offspring were produced and how many sperm were stored. They also examined the females' RNA to compare the genes expressed in females mated to males of different strains. They found that despite observed differences in mating behaviors and reproduction activities in females mated to different strains of males, there were only negligible mating-dependent differences in gene expression between the groups. This suggests that genetic changes involved in mate choice and reproduction were in place before mating began.

"It appears that females really do care about the character of their consorts," said Mark Johnston, Editor-in-Chief of the journal GENETICS, "but they may not have as much control over our choice of mates as they'd like to think."